“…because I’m too lazy to search the archived threads”
There are three questions every baby writer seems to ask when they join the online author-verse and start fishing for trade secrets. I used to answer these questions when I came across them on forums and chats, but they get asked with such regularity that I got tired of doing other people’s homework. The internet is right there, people.
So please enjoy my arrogantly definitive answers to the three questions I see asked again and again and again:
1) How do I keep my vague, fledgling story idea protected from being stolen?
2) How do I know if my writing is shit?
3) How do I learn how to write?
- How do I protect my ideas?
You don’t, because no one cares about your ideas.* Honestly, ideas are cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Any writer with a serious habit will have so many ideas attacking them on the daily that they would have to live forever to write them all. Writers don’t lack ideas, and we don’t care about yours. Your ideas are likely not even as good as you think. They matter to you, and they may lead you to tell the best story you have ever told, but whether it’s some junk scribbled on a napkin, an outline you share on a critique group, or a book you give away as a reader freebie, no one will bother to steal your ideas, because they would still have to go through the effort of taking your ideas and writing a book with them, then making money out of it, which is the real challenge.
2. How do I know if my writing is shit?
Assume that it is. If this is your first attempt, your writing is 99.9% likely to be not the best you’ll ever do. Accept this fact from the outset. Accept that your writing will not match your expectations at first. The only way to get better is to keep writing. So if you have a precious, perfect, magical idea, maybe don’t start with it. Write some junk first. Get good at writing, then start on your Great Work.
Imagine you wanted to become a professional baker. You don’t go from standing in the grocery aisle looking at the cake mixes thinking I can do better to turning out a six-tier wedding cake overnight. Particularly if you’ve never made a cake before, you’re gonna have to make a lot of cake in between having the idea to make a wedding cake, and actually serving it. Make those shitty, crumbly, collapsing cakes you need to make on your path to nailing the perfect Genoise. There are no shortcuts. This quote from Ira Glass is another way of saying the same thing.
3. How do I learn how to write?
By writing, and by reading. Read books that are like the ones you want to write. Read well-written books of all genres. Read different books than you normally do. Read books about writing.
But always be writing. It’s a muscle, and you have to use it or it shrivels. Books take effort to write, and it’s healthy to assume that your first work might kind of suck. At least compared to what you will capable of in five years. Read and write and read and write and read and write and read. Repeat until you die.
Writers, what other hugely general advice do you find yourself constantly giving?
*you always own your ideas, even if you haven’t lodged them with a copyright registry. Please consult legal professionals for more nuance, but having your ideas stolen should be one of the last things a fledgling author needs to worry about.
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