WHY I READ* ROMANCE

TL:DR because I don’t trust other fiction.

I toddled down a rabbit hole this morning.  I say toddled because I got myself out so quickly instead of losing 2 hours to doomscrolling.

I was following a series of increasingly strident flags declaring that THIS  is “the great gay American novel.”  And I mean, I like great novels and gay people and am interested in America and anyone who has the nerve to lift the curtain.  But like I always do, I started by reading the worst reviews. That’s where the gold is, the truth, the ick, or in some cases “this was too horny for me and had too many queer characters” in which case it’s a one-click buy. But sometimes it’s:

“FUCK. THIS. BOOK.” 

That’s a one-click read, that review. If it inspires such vitriol then either it’s a masterpiece or a steaming turd.

Ah.  The latter.

Because I’m absolutely not a little bit sorry, but The Great Gay American Novel is not allowed to be a goddamn Kill-Your-Gays trope.  Not a fucking chance.

We’ve heard those stories. They’re called queer history.  Despair, isolation, mental illness, and often the only defence is to destroy all human feeling in your soul so you don’t have to cope with the fact that if everyone knew you for who you are, they wouldn’t just hate you, they would want you dead.

Boring.

Boooooooorrrrrrrring because it’s horrible and spiritually deadening and it still happens in real life all the time and so we don’t need a 700 page novel about a loser who spends the whole book being awful to everyone and experiencing zero emotional growth but he just happens to be a gay man in a book about gay men so that makes it THE GREAT GAY AMERICAN NOVEL. It just feels like more trauma porn: look, here’s a walking, talking tragedy, let’s zoom in closer on all his faults. Now closer. NOW CLOSER. 

Look, I haven’t read this book and under no circumstances will I ever read it (ok, a million dollars but I get half in advance.) I am basing my opinions on one review and the blurb of the book. And an interview in which the author said they didn’t believe in psychology and that people who were broken should essentially just stay broken.

That’s when I realized I’d *never* read the book, nor probably anything else this author has written. The way to help someone who is broken is to see them, hear them, love them, help them. “I see your pain.  Your pain is real.  Pain ends.  I trust you. I believe you.” You don’t shrug and then take character notes.  I refuse to read 700 pages about someone who refuses to grow, who gets no help, and whose main characteristic is being an irredeemable piece of shit.  Just sounds like a novel about straight people.


*and write

Victoriana redux

There’s no denying that I am a snob. As such, I like my Historical Romance to be damn well historical. Attempting to live by my own standards, I mostly muddle about in the Victorian Era, despite all the press about its repressive culture. Michel Foucault has said some things on this, but I’ll save that for my dissertation (and this heavy-duty post of mine from last year.)

Intellectual wanking aside, writing fiction in the idiom of the Victorian age is a lot of fun. I like the diction and writing style, the license to be poetic and to drench my dialogue in innuendo and double entendre. I like as well the scenarios the Victorian era offers. Despite its reputation as an era of repression, it was in fact a time of broad social upheaval and technological advancement with many parallels to our time, including the struggle to implement socially beneficial infrastructure as the epidemic and chronic illnesses of increasingly urban lifestyles were battled with public health measures like sewers and indoor plumbing. 

Deep diving into Victoriana feels a little like visiting Japan. It provides a sweet spot of a lifestyle much like mine, yet with an utterly foreign aesthetic and social imaginary. Britain under Queen Victoria and Japan in general are both cultures built on very precisely managed social facades, behind which can rage stunning perversities. We observe the gentility of a tea ceremony, but flip over the painted scroll hanging on the paper wall and you will find a geisha ‘entertaining’ several octopuses. The Marylebone gentleman speaks in Parliament, dines with his wife, kisses his nanny-educated children goodnight, then goes to the bawdy house and gets his arse resoundingly ‘birched’ like the good old days away at school.

While the Regency is a very popular period for Historical Romance (from Austen to Heyer to Quinn to Hall) it was not a very long time period. Many of its charms linger into the Victorian age. Well-spoken politeness still wins the day, and one’s past can define one’s whole future. Yet by the end of the 19th Century, class structures have notably shifted, introducing new types of people to each other. The middle class has begun to emerge, challenging the nobility’s power through sheer force of numbers. And technology had already begun to change the way everyone lived, at a pace unmatched in prior ages.

Not to mention it’s after Britain’s abolition of slavery, which suits me very well. I certainly can’t erase the wealth acquired through the Transatlantic slave trade, but statistically any titled person i.e. English Duke in the Regency was likely benefitting from the Slave Trade. Yes, that wealth carries over even to our times, but let’s say I prefer to play with the fiction-writing kit that doesn’t include that particular component. My titled 19th Century snobs can still be cruel, remorseless, indifferent to oppression. Today we might call them Tories, and there’s a wealth of contemporary fiction about this same kind of ultra-rich white cis-het culture. I don’t need to write about duels at sword-point for my stories to contain entitled men who feel they have the right to be violent, and who need putting in their place, which is really more where my interest lies.

And then there’s the aesthetic. I like dark suits and slim waistcoats and pocket watches and canes that turn out to be shivs. I like tailcoats and tight white shirts and black hansom cabs slipping through the streets to indecent assignations. Cockneys with knives. Can-can and Burlesque. Laudanum and Absinthe, Impressionism, subways, suffrage, Sarah Bernhardt and steam power, Charcot’s gynecological exhibitions and Aubrey Beardsley’s priapic prints, masturbation both as a symptom of insanity and the means by which one prevented it, and all the while corsets get tighter and tighter. The British Experiment reached its giddy apex, and for a few bold years the sun never did set on its Empire, while quietly it was being said that perhaps its former colony across the Atlantic was about to steal its gilded crown.

Change by the bucketful: unavoidable, terrifying, fascinating.

Common sense

Daily writing prompt
Describe something you learned in high school.

“High school?  Shit, I’ve been trying to forget it.  All I learned is that everyone’s so steeped in their own BS by the time they get there that most of us don’t learn a thing. Sure, it’s good for kids to be taught not just science and math but how to read, how to think, how to get to know other people. But the way most high schools are run, they’re not much better than jail.  Just a way to keep kids off the streets so old people feel safe walking about and adults don’t have anyone coming after their jobs.  I mean, if everyone really gave a shit about kids, they’d pass some gun laws.”

The Untouchable Sky (continued)

a roaring fire in a fire pit. the flames are edged with brilliant green

After the life he’s endured, all Jaime wants is to be ordinary. If only the mysterious Lord Lear believed him.

Read CHAPTER ONE here

THE UNTOUCHABLE SKY

CHAPTER TWO

The Magisters’ club was a soot-blackened Georgian house on the corner of Half-Moon Passage, a wigging slip of brick lane that lead back to Alie Street and which smelled of the effluent from the public house at the other end.  Standing before it, Jaime assured himself of Lear’s invitation in his pocket, unsure what scrutiny he was about to undergo. 

He glanced up and down the narrow lane to be sure he was alone, then swiped his handkerchief over his short hair to dry his sweating scalp, bit away a straggling thread from the frayed cuff of his jacket.  Nothing to be done about its sagging shoulders or generally poor fit or the fact that between his wretched clothes and cropped hair and sallow skin and sour odour he resembled nothing so much as a convalescent the first day out of the sickroom.

The tall black door of the club bore no handle, only a tarnished brass knocker in the form of a scaled creature with a fish’s body and a gargoyle’s face. The cast was so realistic Jaime half feared it would squirm when he grasped it, the sound heavy, as if it rang from the cellar. 

The door opened of its own accord.  Then it cleared its throat.  Or rather, the diminutive man who had opened it did so.  Barely over four feet tall, with a narrow face and eyes of a striking silvery blue that showed hardly any pupil, he was crisply dressed in a newly styled tailcoat, his expression precisely what Jaime expected of the door manager of a gentlemen’s club: perfectly blank, save for the slightest tilt of his eyebrows to suggest Jaime had better get on with explaining himself.

“Mr Skye.  Welcome,” the slight man said without a hint of question or derision before Jaime could gather his wits.  He stepped aside for Jaime to enter.  “My name is Kristoff, and you may consider me at your service.  I might begin by taking your overcoat.”

As Jaime slipped off his mackintosh an ordinarily sized young man stepped out of an open doorway to take it from him.  He opened a heavily carved door behind Jaime which turned out to lead to a capacious cloak room.  The gunpowder scent of Lear was everywhere, and Jaime pinched the tip of his nose to keep from sneezing as he followed Kristoff up the grand staircase dominating the left of the entry hall.

Everything was heavy and luxurious, the staircase a grandiose enterprise of carven oak, the mossy carpet swallowing their footsteps.  The panelled walls were intricately painted with scenes of exotic locales–cities with minarets, verdant green valleys, windswept mountain peaks–the glossy colours so vivid one might swear the pictures lived.  Otherwise the club was similar to the few stately homes he’d been in, with high ceilings and cool air and an atmosphere of imperturbable privilege that made his stomach knot about itself.

Two people were in conversation on the landing at the top of the broad stairs: a fair, pink-cheeked man with very pale hair and a similar style of dressing to Lear, with silver buckles on his pointed shoes and a cerulean frock coat heavily embroidered with a pattern of vines and bold mauve flowers.  His ebony-skinned companion was no less flamboyant though in quite another manner, wearing a floor-skimming robe of a striking geometric print in red and yellow, his bare toes protruding from leather sandals.  They were speaking in animated French, the white man seeming to plead some case, the African maintaining steadfast refusal.

“Non, et non, et non, Hercule.  Pas possible,” he said with a chopping motion of his hand.

“We’ll see,” the white man said with a rueful twist of his broad mouth.  He glanced at Jaime then looked again.  “Kristoff, have we a new member?” he asked with a dazzling smile.

“A guest, your lordship,” Kristoff replied, his voice too deep for his slight build.

“A guest of whom?”

“Of another member, your lordship.  Do excuse us.” 

One lunatic semi lord was enough for Jaime’s fragile senses, and he kept his eyes lowered as they passed the men, his nose itching like he’d shoved peppercorns up it, the scent like burnt sugar.  This of course meant looking at the floor which on this level was tiled in squares of black and white marble.  Which then began to tilt precipitously so that the broad hall became a valley… a valley that Kristoff walked smoothly across, because it was an illusion caused by the clever laying of differently sized tiles.  A trick of the eye so persuasive that Jaime hesitated before following, his feet not wholly convinced there would be a floor to meet them.

Rather than being painted, the walls here were hung with portraits of well-dressed men and occasionally women of centuries passed, posing among allegorical goods as was the fashion in other times: a skull for mortality, an apple for love, a cage of birds for either freedom or confinement, he couldn’t recall which.  The paintings included stranger objects as well, mechanical devices and glass phials of coloured liquids.  The gunpowder scent had become part of the general miasma of sense impressions crowding Jaime’s mind, and he gasped at the first breath of lilac, which grew stronger as they approached a closed door.

Kristoff held up a hand, the palm facing the door.  There was a click and the door swung inward.  He entered and stood aside, bowing slightly to the occupant.  “Your lordship, Mr Skye to see you.

“Thank you, Kristoff.  I’ll call for the meal shortly.”

He’d forgotten the sound of Lear’s voice, the bell-like resonance, the country accent with the Oxford inflection, as if East Anglia had maintained own court and king.  Dressed in dark green, his overlong hair bound into a queue, Lear rose from the table, shook Jaime’s hand briefly, invited him to take the other chair.  The room was less grandiose than the house, the walls papered prettily with vines and flowers, the flames in the tiled hearth tinged with emerald.  With his white cravat and elaborately embroidered waistcoat, his buckskin breeches worn to whiteness, Lear resembled a Defoe hero, and looked wholly native to his strangely lovely environs, leaving Jaime to feel like a dirty handbill pasted on the side of a cathedral: shabby and worn, inconsequential as a flea.

“Thank you for coming, Mr Skye,” Lear said as he resumed his seat.

“Oh.  Yes.  Thank you for the invitation.”

“Please do allow me to once again apologise for my confrontational approach the other day.  It’s rare that I meet an Ordinary who turns out not to be.”

“I am, though.  I am very ordinary.  Believe me.”  Please, believe me.

Lear shifted in his chair, a subtle smile tugging at his lips.  “Mr Skye, you are not Ordinary.”

“Whether I am or not, I’m not at all interesting.”

Lear frowned, though the smile lingered.  “May I make an extrapolation, Mr Skye?”

“If it pleases you.”

“From our first meeting and what I’ve discovered since, I believe your upbringing has entailed a number of extremely unpleasant experiences.  All of which may have been visited upon you without your knowledge of their likely outcomes, or indeed of the causes which so motivated your guardians to treat you as they did.”

Jaime was well used to parsing medical verbiage about his own ailments.  “What do you know about my…upbringing?”

“You are, for better or worse, a matter of public record, Mr Skye.”

“I know that.  I’ve had enough doctors remand me for institutional care.”  And a magistrate demand it on pain of a far worse form of confinement.

“They were wrong to do so.”  Lear was frowning, the leaping flames reflecting in his dark eyes, and Jaime felt for the first time the power in the man.

“I was a danger to myself and others,” he explained, as he did to everyone eventually.  “It was the best decision for everyone.”

“It was a lie,” Lear said sharply.

“How can you know that?  With all due respect, your lordship.”

“Never mind titles.  I’m happy for you to address me as Adrian.  And I know because I know what you are, Mr Skye.”  Grinning, he sat back, his eyes running over Jaime, a gaze too familiar.  Doubly cursed, every part of him at odds with normal life, the other man’s presence confirming him as the source of all Jaime’s recent anguish, all those dreams of swirling curls and honeyed words from which he woke damp and gasping.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Perhaps because you’ve never had it explained to you.”

“I know well enough my own nature, your lordship.  My personal conduct is no one’s business but mine.  And may I say how inappropriate I feel it is for you to be interrogating my past without my knowledge.  Tell me what you want of me, or I shan’t tolerate your intrusions any longer.”

He waited for the tirade, for the operation of privilege, for dismissal, but Lear was still smiling as he replied.  “Mr Skye, at Kensington you caused water to spout from the pond.”

“I did no such thing.”

“You drew a storm from a clear sky and threw it at me.”

Jaime shook his head, less in denial than sheer disbelief.  “I don’t know what you mean.  I didn’t do a thing.”

“You are a water-worker Mr Skye.  It obeys your will, whether you intend it or not.  Look, I can do it too.”  Lear set his hand on the table, palm up.  In the middle of his palm lay a drop of water.  The drop swelled, growing to fill his cupped hand until water began spilling onto the tablecloth.  It might have been running blood for the churning horror in Jaime’s guts.

“Please stop.  Whatever tricks you’re playing with my mind, whatever illusion, stop it at once.”

“This is no illusion, Mr Skye.”  Lear had taken a glass and let it fill with the water running from his empty hand.  He now placed it before Jaime, who sprang up from the table as if he’d been offered poison, making the water slosh in the glass.

“For the love of God, stop this torture!”  Ashamed, enraged, he hid his face.  He was sweating obscenely, his hands dripping with it, his head swimming from the hot fire, which had begun sputtering weirdly, as if the wood was wet.  Lear was a demon, a villain, rooting out Jaime’s deepest frailties then hurling them in his face.  He hadn’t gone a step towards the door when Lear caught hold of his arm.

“Let me go!”

“I want only to help you.”

“Then you can…”

Jaime meant to say stop.  But why would he ever want this to stop, this flood of golden light pouring over him?  Or was it welling up from within, spilling from his every cell, until he was nothing but the light…

It softly ebbed, quieter and quieter still, until it became a single glowing mote, a star above the ocean.  “What happened?” he asked as the room resolved around him.

“I might explain in future,” Lear said quietly.  “But it won’t mean anything to you yet.”

“Why is it stopping?”

“Because it must.  Please, sit down.”

He did not particularly want to, but Lear knew best, for at his first step his legs nearly buckled under him.  He sunk gratefully into the plush armchair by the hearth where the emerald-edged flames once more crackled merrily.  The carven arms of the chair resembled a lion’s paws, and he curled his fingers comfortably over the burnished wood.  Lear was busy at the table so Jaime sat and watched the fire and petted the wooden paws and managed to think of nothing else for a number of very pleasant minutes.  When had he last been so continually content?  Even that dire consideration wasn’t enough to spoil his sense of safety.

Lear had taken off his fitted jacket, the loose sleeves of his linen shirt furthering the illusion that he might turn pirate given adequate provocation.  He offered Jaime a full glass of clear liquid with ice floating in it.  “Gin and water.  Entirely ordinary.”

“Have you just water?  I don’t take alcohol.”

“Certainly.”

He poured a tall glass which Jaime downed in one pull.  With a curious expression Lear poured him another, which suffered a similar swift fate.  “I didn’t expect you needed to drink at all,” Lear said as Jaime wiped his mouth.

“It helps, after.  When I’ve had a bad turn.  I don’t know what you did, but thank you.”

“I very much owed you, Mr Skye.”

“Jaime.  Please.”

“I must once more apologise, Jaime.  I have presumed much.”

“I would have thought you knew you had a madman on your hands.”

“You’re not mad, Jaime.”

Words he’d heard before.  “Yes, one mustn’t call it that anymore.  I’m suffering from a mental aberration.  Or a neurotic episode.  Or exhaustion.  Or—”

“There is nothing whatsoever wrong with your mind, Jaime.”

“There must be.”

“No.  You’ve been deceived.  By those who knew no better.”

“I wasn’t safe on my own.”

“That’s no reason for you to have been incarcerated. 

“I wasn’t in prison.  I was in hospital.”  Even though the doors were always locked and he was at times strapped to his bed.  There’d been no other way to keep him alive.

“I don’t know who it is you’re trying to protect,” Lear said with an edge of irritation.

“Me.  I’m protecting myself.”  He owed no further explanation.  Not to a man who had taken the liberty of uncovering his history and was now obliging him to dissect it.  The bright star of hope was dimming, lost in the same old fog of despair.

Lear reclined in his soft chair, untouched by such agonies, gazing at Jaime with the open face of privilege.  “Did you know your grandmother?” he asked without preface.  “Your father’s mother, that is.”

“Why does that matter?”

“You’re the son of a Skye.  In my world, that means a great deal.  Particularly if you’ve been denied knowledge of your heritage.  Why did your parents teach you nothing?”

All his inquiries and this was unknown to him?  “They never had a chance.  They died, my lord.  I was raised in fosterage.”

Lear’s puzzled look turned to alarm.  “Died?” he repeated, a catch in his fluid voice.

“I’ve been told it’s not uncommon.”

“How?”

“I’m shocked you don’t know, given your interest in my past.”

“Not all information was so easily obtained,” he murmured.

“Then allow me to enlighten your lordship.  Horatio and Sinead Skye were arrested for sedition.  They were extradited, to be tried in England.  The ship sank with all hands.”

“You can’t mean they drowned.”

“Is there another term for it?”

“Horatio Skye could not have drowned,” he said with precision.  “Why weren’t you sent to Mammy Skye?  Your grandmother?  By Jove, who let this happen?”

“I was a child.  What could I have done?”

“I don’t mean you.  Indeed, not a bit of this is your fault.”

“So they’ve told me.  That it’s a disease.”

“No!” Lear said with vehemence.  “You are not sick.  You are not mad.  You are…you are simply not Ordinary, Mr Skye.”

“Madmen usually aren’t.”

Lear spat a strange word, the flames seeming to flare in reply.  He glanced sharply at the fire but it carried on with its cheery flicker.  Perhaps Lear was the madman.  Or they were both mad, in which case this meeting was beyond futile, was Jaime flirting with disaster, inviting a relapse, another disappearance.

“I’m sorry but I cannot stay.  I wish you’d not contact me again, Lord Lear.  I don’t know what purpose you intend for me but I want no part of it.  I just want to be left alone.”  Politeness and privilege could go and whistle, and he lurched from his chair and started for the door.

“No!” Lear shouted as if in fear and sprang up after him.  “Please, Jaime, don’t leave.”

Presumptuous as ever, he grabbed for Jaime, who snarled as he wrenched his arm from Lear’s grasp.  “I told you, don’t touch me!”

The room was suddenly cast into darkness, the fire doused as if by a bucket, acrid smoke billowing from the matted ash.  Somewhere a glass shattered, then Lear said another foreign word.  A glow appeared, emanating from a bright point on Lear’s chest, spreading as the smoke around it cleared.

He was gathering the clouds with his hands, herding them like reeking sheep towards the hearth where they subsided into the coals, leaving behind clear air and the scent of burnt lilac.  The light from his brooch dimmed as Lear bent over the hearth.  Jaime stayed where he was, his back against the door, his hands numb, his heart as well.  This was how it always went, the start of his every decline, with his reckless temper and another’s fear, and the very best thing for him to do was leave and never come back.  Never see Lear again.  Quit the patent office, move north or south or anywhere, change his name like he’d always intended and forget he’d ever been Jaime Skye.

“Is…is she alive?” he found himself asking.

“Your grandmother?” Lear said, getting to his feet.  “Yes.”

“That thing,” he stammered, for he had begun trembling, from fear and from the chill of wet cloth against his skin.  “Please…what you did before…”

“It won’t be as effective, but I will try.”  Lear wiped his fingers clean of ashes on a cloth from the table, then came to Jaime and gently placed his right hand on the top of Jaime’s head.  Again came the golden light, but so very slowly, a treacly drip rather than a deluge, so sweet that when it reached his heart he began to cry.  Softly, a trail of tears, as salt as the sea.

“Adrian…who am I?”

Lear lifted his hand and the golden light receded, seeming to gather back into the gleaming brooch on his left lapel, which stayed alit, a star in the darkness.  “You are James Skye,” he said, as though to speak the name was an honour.  “Inheritor of the Northwest, Defender of Angels.”

Jaime wanted to laugh, deny he had any significance to the world, even as the words raised the hairs on the back of his neck.  “Go on, then.  What else have you got?”

Adrian smiled, the creases round his eyes putting to Jaime the question of how old the man truly was.  “As you like.  You possess a highly prized and exceedingly rare facility for manipulating an element of the manifested world.  I would like to be able to tell you how exactly this facility functions, where it was first recorded and so on, but to be blunt and much to my embarrassment we simply don’t know.  So many water-workers have lost their lives and had their work destroyed by pogroms and witch burnings and such that the lineage has been scattered.  The talent is however latent in certain families, such as yours.”

“I was told it’s madness that runs in the Skyes.”

“No, Jaime,” he said with a sad shake of his head.  “It’s the cruelty of the Ordinary who misunderstand your gift that has caused you to believe yourself unwell.”

At this he had to laugh  “Gift?  It’s a damned curse.  It’s ruined my life.”

“If you’d grown up among those who understood—”

“Well, I didn’t.  And this is the result.”  He plucked at his sodden shirt front, his drenched hair, gestured to the doused fire, the fallen pitcher of water.  “Heaven help me, I can’t even manage to…”  What was the good in concealing anything?  Lear would have it out of him eventually, face to face or through his ferreting.  “I tried to take my life.  Did you not read about that in the doctors’ notes?” he asked as Adrian startled.  “The fool I am, I tried to drown myself.  I tried and I couldn’t.  I was under for an hour.  Spat up water afterwards for days.”

Lit only by the up-pointing glow from his strange brooch, Adrian’s face was a carven mask of agony.  “It means little, but I’m so very sorry you’ve had to live this way.  But that can change.”

“You can’t change what’s passed.”

“Yes.  But I can help you have a better future.”

“Cure me.”

“You’re not ill,” he said gently, his smile hitching at Jaime’s next words.

“But could you stop it?  Whatever it is I do, can you make it not ever happen again?  I don’t want to live like this.”

“Jaime, I know this is a shock to you, but your family are—”

“My family are dead.”

 “Not your grandmother.  Not you.”

“There’ll be no more Skyes after me if I have the say of it.”

At this Lear stepped back sharply, his expression severe.  “Even were I to agree, it is an impossible risk.  You should expect to die.”

“I should be so lucky.”  His throat was raw, and without Lear blocking his way he stumbled to the table, but it was the pitcher of water which had broken during his outburst, drenching the table.  Because of his outburst, because of him, because of the monster inside him: unnamed, untamed, a danger to himself and the world.

“Jaime, please,” Lear said gently, coming near but not touching him as he stood at the unlit table searching among the glasses for any still holding a drop.  “I can teach you to master your talent.  Make use of it rather than letting it overwhelm you.  Show you that, despite what the Ordinary world believes, there’s nothing at all wrong with you.”

“Doctors aplenty have said there was.”

“After all they’ve done…do you still trust them?”


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Why choose?

Reverse Harem and the (r)evolution of Romance writing

If you aren’t an avid ebook reader, it’s likely you’ve never heard of the genre, which has begun to call itself “why choose” because algorithms are prurient snitches. Yet it’s the strongest trend in self published romance, with no signs of slowing down.

It is also an astonishing indicator of where culture is headed. Because two out of every five ebooks sold are romance, and reverse harem tropes are EVERYWHERE.

So what the heck is it? Nothing more or less than a romance story where the heroine gets ALL the boys. Without having to choose between them, favoring one and only one. Without lying or cheating, with the consent of all the men, which is perhaps the most fantastical aspect of the genre, that three or more cis-het guys could get over their egos enough to get along with their partner’s metamour.

OK so what the heck is a metamour?

It’s the point at which the Why Choose genre gets really interesting. Because, pardon me if I’m wrong, but this is polyamory. A metamour is your lover’s lover. Not your competition, just “the other person who loves the same person as me.”

Meaning the strongest trend in romance writing is a vigorous, fun-loving, open-hearted repudiation of the nuclear family. One of the lynchpins of Western society, blamed repeatedly (and quite sensibly) for maintaining women’s inferior status. Less than half a decade ago, women in the US were being arrested for wearing pants. A wife needed her husband’s permission to open her own bank account. The assumption was nearly universal that all women wanted was safety. That women weren’t sexual, weren’t interested in freedom in being their own person, in existing for any reason besides replicating DNA aka having babies.

Oh, my sweet summer child…

That has never been enough. And hear me out, this is not some Sandberg gaslighting about how every woman miraculously can have it all aka a high paying high pressure job as well as a functional marriage, happy children, and time enough to seek personal meaning. Such women usually have nannies. And they are frequently miserable. The women, not the nannies, though I reckon a fair few of them are less than thrilled with what often functions like a sort of indentured servitude.

This is of course not universal. But that’s the point. Women want different things. Women can finally have what they want. And yes, RH is a book trend. It isn’t a sign of the death of marriage. But it is certainly a sign that the Overton window has shifted hugely in the direction of even more freedom for women. And for men, who must bear the brunt of being denied softness, emotionality, compassion. Who are taught they must defend their tiny tribe against an entire world which wants them dead. Truth is, the world usually isn’t paying attention. Truth is, modern marriage isn’t a siege state. Wives are not chattel, nor are they princesses, to be kept in a tower and denied the world.

Women are raw, and horny, and also nice and pretty and kind, but still red-blooded, salivating, alive. And we are tired of being told what to do.

There is a world filled with possibilities. Even it’s only words on a page or a screen. A world where women get exactly what they want, and men are happy for it to happen. So come on over! Sometimes the grass really is greener even once you’ve hopped the fence.

The Untouchable Sky (excerpt #2)

Well shoot, I didn’t realize that took me so long to write. The first section was posted on a Thursday in August (I’m including it here so you don’t need to go back and find the post) and I finished about week ago. If you want to read the completed story, let me know, I’m looking for beta readers.


THE UNTOUCHABLE SKY

CHAPTER ONE

Jamie Skye was finally ordinary.  It had taken all his life, untold hours in doctors’ surgeries, unremembered weeks in hospitals and sanatoriums, and more than once a visit to a college lecture hall where he was not a student but the subject of the lecture.  At last, at the age of thirty-four, he felt could safely say that he had become wholly unremarkable, and wished only to remain so for the rest of his life.

Which is why when the extraordinary man walked in, Jaime at once lowered his eyes and did not look up again until the man’s mellifluous voice disappeared behind Corporal Brigg’s door.  It being nearly ten in the morning he was of course the only one in the patent office, Pickford out on a call and Tyburn likely still face down under a pile of his own faded excuses.

But that was none of Jaime’s business.  He had steady employment at an undemanding post in a minor division of civil service, and if he spent more time than was perhaps appropriate on his drunken colleague’s cases instead of his own, it was all in the name of the public good.  Not only that, but if Tyburn were sacked it would likely kill him, as the only time he wasn’t at least half-cut was at work.

Jaime would have smelled it if he was, that sickly taint in the air round a drunk, exuded from their breath, from their very skin.  Morally, Jaime was indifferent to alcohol and those who drank it, believing one made one’s own peace with one’s creator, but his un-ordinariness included being too sensitive to strange aromas, so that speaking to Tyburn was an act of courage, a prolonged conversation cause for a strong cup of tea.

Tyburn wasn’t here, and neither was his polar opposite Pickford, whose specialty was machines too large or complicated to be brought to the office, and whose pernickety habit was to be at the hapless patent-seeker’s establishment at first light.  Jaime liked the office on such mornings, with no sound but the scratch of his pen nib and the squeak of the wheels on his chair, the sunlight casting little rainbows everywhere through the strips of stained glass atop the southeast facing windows.

The stranger’s aroma of gunpowder and lilacs lingered in the unstirred air, making Jaime’s nose itch as he pored over an engraving of a ‘device for improving the application of road paint.’  The scent matched the man, or what Jaime had seen of him before deciding rightfully to ignore him.  Matched his scarlet coat and the lace at his wrists and his unfashionably long hair and his mellifluous voice which Jaime had heard for scant seconds and so therefore should not be able to hear in his mind as clearly as if the man stood before him.

“Who are you?”

Jaime stayed as he was, his eye pressed to a magnifying loupe held three inches from the intricate diagram.  “No one important.”

“Lord Lear, this is Skye,” said Corporal Brigg.

Lord Lear.  Jaime put aside the loupe and sat upright.  The man was even more extraordinary close up, with a sharp face and eyes so darkly brown they were nearly black, though the edges of his irises were rimmed with pale gold.

“Stand up, Skye, and account for yourself,” Brigg said through his yellowed teeth.

“Yes, Corporal.”  Wiping his sweating hand on his already damp trouser-leg, he got to his feet.  “An honour to meet you, Lord Lear.”

“And you, Mr Skye.”  His lordship’s hand was cool and smooth, but when Jaime made to pull back he held on, frowning.  “What is this?”

“My hand,” Jaime said uncertainly.

“Who are you?”  Lear demanded, his grip suddenly crushing.

“No one.  No one at all.”

“He’s really not anyone, your lordship,” Brigg said, glaring at Jaime from under his woolly brows as though any of this was his fault.

“I don’t mean your sort,” Lear said to Brigg sharply without looking his way.  “He’s one of ours.”

“I’m not.  I’m not anyone.”  Jaime was now sweating terribly, and succeeded in pulling his slick hand from Lear’s fearsome grasp.  Lear retreated a step, looking from Jaime to his hand and back.

“I’ll need him to come with me,” he said to the corporal.

“With all due respect, your lordship,” Brigg said, gesturing at the untended desks, “I can hardly spare the man-power.”

“Your staffing practices are not my concern, Corporal.  This man needs to come with me at once.”

Nothing Jaime or the corporal said moved Lear in the slightest.  Whatever authority he answered to, it clearly outweighed the patent office, and so it was that Jaime found himself in his coat and hat, leaving his office at half-ten in the morning in the company of the extraordinary man he had vowed to completely ignore.

With his silk hat over his long hair and a black frock coat over his red brocade, Lord Lear was less confronting, though there was no disguising his wealth, not merely by his clothes but by his presumptuous manner.  “Now tell me who you really are,” he said with a calculating smile as he lead Jaime away from Cathcart House.

“Should we not be speaking somewhere private?”

“I only wished to get you away from Brigg.  Who were your parents?”

“Horatio James Skye and Sinead O’Day, but—”

“Where were you born?”

“You’d not know it by name.”

“Try me.”

“Isle of Angels.”  A crumb of land, a crag of ancient rock that disappeared on a foggy day.  “And if you don’t mind, what gives you the right to be asking these questions?  Sir?”

“I apologize for not introducing myself more appropriately but I only wish to make so much known to Corporal Brigg.  I am Adrian Eustace Rowland, Lord Regent of the House of Lear, Magister of Ellswen and Inheritor of the Western Isles, at your obedient service.  As one might expect from my background, I am affiliated with the official body of English craftsmen and -women, and as such I am under certain obligations to make inquiries whenever I encounter someone unknown to the Society.  Such as yourself.  Where were you schooled?”

“With all due respect, Lord Lear, I’d like first to know why any of this is at all important.”

The man frowned, the pale rings of his irises seeming to glow.  “If you don’t know, then it matters doubly.”

“I don’t understand.  I don’t want anything to matter.  I just want to be left alone.  And what if Brigg sacks me?”

The obnoxious fop laughed in his face.  “He won’t.”

“How can you know what Corporal Brigg will or won’t do?”

“You don’t have the slightest idea who I am, do you?” Lear said with a frown.

“My apologies for not being not current with the members of the peerage.”

“I’m not a peer.”

“Then how are you a lord?”

“There’s more than one court of which one might be a lord.  Here we are.”  They were standing by the edge of the Round Pond in Kensington Gardens, its broad surface silvered by the thickening haze of clouds.  Nearby, some children were sailing toy boats, their nanny dozing on a bench, the eldest boy with his shoes and stockings off from having to retrieve the vessels when they strayed beyond the reach of the others’ sticks.

“You’ve pulled me from work to take me to the park?” Jaime asked, a queasy feeling creeping up from his toes.

“It’s an ideal venue,” Lear said, gesturing to the water.

“For what?”

“You really don’t understand?”

“You’ve given me nothing to understand.  All I know is some lord of some court has removed me from my workplace against my employer’s wishes and mine, to interrogate me and show me a public pond.”  He pointed at the water just as a fish jumped, making a sizeable splash and sending the swans paddling away.

“That’s a start,” Lear said happily.

“Do you mean your intention was to make me lose my temper?”

“That is often how one discovers one’s abilities.”

“What abilities?  No, actually I don’t care what you have to say.  I don’t have time for this.  I have a job.  I have a good job I’m going to lose because I’m standing in a park in the middle of the work day talking to another madman!”  The wind had risen as if in proportion to Jaime’s thoughtless anger, whipping the pond into sharp waves, the children shrieking as their boats capsized, one after the other.

“And you say you don’t understand?”  Lear was staring at him with a mingled look of horror and delight, as if Jaime were some peculiar object he’d found in a secret place.  “Have you never used your craft with purpose?”

“What craft are you talking about?  I’m a patent officer.  A civil servant.  At least I was, until I let you persuade me to desert my post.”

“Brigg won’t defy me.”

“But I will.  Good day to you, Lord Lear.”

“Skye, wait,” Lear said, grabbing his arm as he turned, his hand seeming to burn through Jaime’s sleeve.

“Don’t touch me!”  He yanked his arm from Lear’s grasp, the gesture startling another water-bird, which burst unseen from the water’s surface, sending spray flying.  At the same moment, a peal of thunder tore across the blackened sky.

“Mr Skye, please calm yourself,” Lear said, staring around them.

“I will not!”  All at once it was raining like the clouds had turned inside out, the pond churned to white, Jaime wet to the skin in seconds.  “Of all the days…I can’t go back to the office like this!”

“Let me help,” said Lear.  He put his hand on Skye’s sleeve, his touch again seeming hot, wisps of what looked like steam rising from between his fingers, the gold in his eyes sliding to vivid blue, the pupils widening even further as Jaime stared.  He felt he was falling into an abyss, some infinitely dark place beyond his understanding.  With what seemed extraordinary effort, he closed his eyes.

“Please let me go.”

Lear lifted his hand, and Jaime ran.  Away from the water, away from the impossible man and the lunatic birds.  Back to what he’d thought of as sanity until this morning.  Thankfully the rain had ceased by the time he reached Cathcart House.  He had liked the building from first sight, for it made exactly no impression, was simply another door with brass fixtures and a plaque beside it, in a row of identically nondescript sandstone buildings. 

Brigg was on the steps in his hat and coat, a hand out and his eyes cast heavenward.  “There you are, Skye.  I worried you’d be caught in that.  The clouds do seem to follow you about, don’t they?”

“I’m very sorry, sir.  I didn’t expect to be so long.”

“Yes, he’ll do that to one,” Brigg sighed.  “At any rate, I’m closing up shop for the day.  We’ve nothing pressing on the roster.  You take yourself home and get dry, there’s a good chap.  Can’t have you catching cold when we’re running on such limited staff.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Lear, did he…” 

“I answered his lordship’s questions,” Jaime replied quickly, for Brigg was a sly interrogator who could sense one’s indiscretions from the length of one’s hesitation to answer.

“And then what happened?” he pressed.

“I’m afraid I may have overstepped, sir.  I lost my temper and said some things I regret.”

“Yes, his lordship will do that to just about anyone,” Brigg said, nodding sagely.  “See you tomorrow.”

Though the rain had freshened the city’s air, Jaime himself stank of panicky sweat and damp wool.  His shoes were soaked, his stockings squishing with each step, even though his mouth was parched.  The encounter with Lear had shaken him badly, and he stopped in at the public house at the bottom of his street.

“Same as usual, Mr Skye?”

He nodded and the stooping tavern-keeper poured him a tumbler of still water.  He drank it back like a sot drinks his first gin of the day, in a single gulping swallow.  “Another.”

The man thought him a drunk gone on the dry, as did the serving girl and those regular customers who knew his face.  He allowed them to think so, for he had no explanation for the comfort he derived from the act, even though it seemed he could taste every particle of mud, every foot that had ever stepped in the river from which the water was drawn.  But it did its magic, quelled his baseless panic, and he drank the second glass more slowly.  He paid a penny for the favour of never being expected to buy beer, then carried on to his rooming house, a narrow building at the top end of the winding street.

Mrs Meldrum was a fastidious landlady, keeping the house with the same pride she kept her widowed self.  When he came in she was polishing the grand cheval glass in the hall, a pristine apron over her dress of dull grey, its collar of crepe though Mr Meldrum had passed some eighteen years prior.

 “Oh Mr Skye, not again?” she said kindly, taking in his wet clothes.

“It looked clear this morning,” he replied, the scent of lemon and beeswax fizzing in his nose.

Something startled her and she covered her mouth.  “Beg my pardon.  I don’t mean to laugh at you.  I’ve just realized how funny it is that a man with your name should be so often caught in the rain.”

“Yes.  Very funny.”

“Are you not well, Mr Skye?”

She had a right to ask, for they were on good terms and it was unlike him to be so short with her.  “You must excuse me, Mrs Meldrum.  I’ve had a very trying day.”

After receiving her consolations, he went up to his room to undress.  Not merely his jacket but his shirt was wet, and his trousers from hem to knee.  And his hair, and every part of him save one perfectly dry patch on his left sleeve.  The place where Lord Lear had touched him.  Jaime placed his hand on the same spot, the fabric prickling under his sweating palm.

“Who are you?” he asked the empty room.

He spent the next several weeks in fear of finding out, of seeing that red brocade, hearing that liquid voice.  He changed the route he walked to work to avoid passing lilac bushes. At night he was plagued with dreams about falling into black water which swirled around him in inky tendrils like seaweed, like tangled black curls.

If he only had something else with which to occupy his mind.  For every kind of reason he was no longer on speaking terms with his foster-family, and his intractable habit of going publicly insane then disappearing into hospital had worn away at his few friendships, leaving him with this narrow life of bureaucratic subservience and lonesome apathy.  A long cold night through which Lear had come streaking like a blazing star.

As time passed, Jaime looked over his shoulder less often for that flash of red, no longer leapt from his chair every time Brigg opened his office door.  Yet when he smelled that floral pungency in the entry of Cathcart House, he ran.  Upstairs, against his expectations, for hadn’t he made a pact with himself to refuse any and all offers made by that pompous pseudo-aristocrat?  At the door to the patent office he stalled, but the scent of Lear had grown no stronger, and after dabbing his sweating face with his already moist handkerchief Jaime carried on, keeping his eyes down as he scurried to his desk.

The letter sat precisely in the middle of his blotter.  It was from this that the soft tickle of scent came, emanating from its thick stock.  It bore only his name on the front: Mr J. Skye, and on the back an intricate seal of silvery wax.  He left it where it was while he fetched a cup of coffee from the canteen.  When he returned, Pickford was in conversation with Brigg in the door to his  office, and Jaime slid the letter under his blotter and went about his morning.

Without success, for the smell of that preposterous man’s letter was thick in his nose and buzzing in his brain.  He was almost glad to see Tyburn, and listened with approximate interest to his retelling of a spree last night involving a game of dice and a woman’s glove, which had all gone to causing him such delay this morning.

Tyburn then put up his feet on his desk and went to sleep.  Pickford was out on a job, Brigg was in his office being Brigg, and Jaime had no recourse.  With his letter opener, he pried off the seal, something about its oily surface uninviting to the touch.  The paper was heavy, textured yet smooth, like the feel of stone.  Lear’s sloping handwriting was that of two hundred years ago, the diphthongs merged, his ‘s’ with a long tail like an ‘f,’ so that Jaime had to read the letter twice.

Mr Skye,

My humblest salutations.  It was put to me that the tenor of our prior interaction merited some action on my part.  May I therefore commence with an apology for my overly familiar treatment of you.  If you are as you claim unaware of your own nature and the Society into which it permits you, then the fault is wholly mine for any inhospitality which may have marred our first meeting.

If it so please you, I will happily explain your relevance to my interests and the nature of the gifts of which you are so unfortunately ignorant.  Having familiarized myself with the details of your mishandling by Ordinary medical philosophies, again I claim wholly the fault for misrepresenting my orientation to said philosophies.  I have for the purpose engaged a private room at the Magisters’ Club, of which I am a member in excellent standing, and welcome you to join me for a convivial luncheon, accompanied by a surfeit of explanation.

Yours in light,

A. Lear

It concluded with a jumble of made-up titles and the location of his club.  His head feeling pressed in a vice, Jaime read the letter through a third time.  He had never heard of Lear’s club, not that he paid much attention to the establishments of the upper crust.  He didn’t even recognize the name of the street, which probably meant it was tucked away in some tony suburb where even the footmen were better dressed than Jaime could ever hope to achieve on his wage. 

It was none the less a chance to set Lear straight and hopefully make clear that what Jaime most wanted from him was to be permanently left alone.


comment or dm me to read more…

The 200k Challenge: Update #4 “It’s a numbers game”

The blank page of a spiral-bound sketchbook page. The sharpened point of a pencil waits at the edge of the page.

# OF DAYS: 69

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN:  91,150  (of 200,000 = 45% OF MY GOAL)

CURRENT WORK IN PROGRESS:  NOVEL “The Old Razzle Dazzle”

ESTIMATED WORD COUNT 65K

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 84K

Wait, what?

That do be how it is sometimes. Particularly when you haven’t planned the entirety of the novel and hence can’t perfectly extrapolate from your rambling first draft how long the bugger is going to be.  I am two, maybe three days from completion, though I seem to have been saying that for a week.  Regardless, to be this close to finishing seems unreal, given I’ve lived with these characters for two years now.  It almost seems a little unfair, but the joy of writing romance is that the happy ending isn’t just for readers, it’s for your characters too.  These sweet, foolish, immature, loving, lusty chaps deserve their happy ending, and then to be left alone to live out their (non-existent) lives. 

I don’t try to understand how this works, I just write and this is where I end up.  My subconscious is a superpower, because I already know what I’ll be writing next.  It figured it out for me while I was busy with this WIP. 

There are 105 days left in the year.  I wrote 91k in 69 days (nice…)  That means I’m holding to my 1200-1500 word a day bare minimum level.  To meet my goal, I only need to write slightly more than 1000 words a day. 

Holy crow. 

I’m going to succeed.

And this is the book I didn’t mean to write.  The weird, unavoidable, achingly emotional and actually not very steamy end to a series of very dirty short stories about a gay Victorian sex worker. Writing those specific words one after the other probably just got this blog shadow-banned, but whatever.  We’ve come too far to turn back now.  On with the show.

Literary chaos, but, like, the good kind

a single pale yellow lotus flower blooming over moonlit leaves

Contrary to how a tragic number of people feel in this grim society, my subconscious mind is likely my best friend.  Mainly as I try my best to stay out of its way and let it do its job, which is sorting through my thoughts while I’m not paying attention.

As I approach the end of another Work in Progress I must consider my next project.  Writing is my strong suit, so I’d like to stay atop this wave of productivity, which means I have to choose which book to write. Given I have a round dozen works what have reached a stage of development worthy of completion, this is a frustrating task. One I was prepared to assign to random chance and/or public opinion. No joke, there was going to be a poll in my author newsletter, asking which potential WIP most appealed to my readers.

As is so frequently the case, I slept on it and woke up with the answer.  Perhaps next month I’ll be asking which book I ought to write, but as the solution to an intractable plot problem unfolded before me like a lotus flower, I made up my mind.

a single pale yellow lotus flower blooming over moonlit leaves
Photo by Heramb Savarkar on Unsplash

And now the shameless plug…

I started writing as The Fixer as an experiment.  Sorry, you’ve been a test subject all this time, and by reading this sentence you have waived all right to object.  I joke, but really I wanted to find out how far the WordPress algorithms would spread my little signal.  (If you’re a long time reader who also blogs, I haven’t followed you or anyone else back mainly because I needed the clean data!) 

A hundred posts in, I have begun to integrate The Fixer with my other socials. It’s all part of the same great ball of lies long term plan of making a living from writing. A plan which only moves forward if people know I have books for sale.

Hopefully you know what to expect.  If the sort of things I write about make you think less of me, well, that’s really your problem to solve.  As yet I don’t know that I’ve got anything in publication that doesn’t involve some kind of what we in the industry like to call ‘steam.’  Avert thine virgin eyes if you must, but as previous Fixer posts have discussed Georges Bataille, pornographic playing cards, wanton drug use, and gender rebellion, nothing should really surprise you should you choose to follow any of the links I’ve added to the side of the page. 

I intend to keep The Fixer as it is, a home for essays and poems and not a pillar of my marketing platform.  Having a reason to write for fun is increasingly important as I devote more of myself to the business of being a writer.  when one’s hobby becomes one’s career, it’s vital to maintain a creative outlet that has nothing to do with money.

Find my links here.

It’s Thursday so I have to post something

an abstract painting. black and pale blue paint meet each other in a jagged line that resembles a sea coast seen from above, traces of blue paint swirled through the dense black like rivers leading inland..

I lied, I don’t have to do anything.

But I want to. How about a little light fiction? This is the opening chapter of what’s turning into an epic series of novels I have just started writing in the tongue-twisting genre of Paranormal Historical Queer Romance. That is absolutely a thing and I can give you recs if you like. I am definitely setting myself up for the long haul, but so far it’s kind of writing itself. I hope someone else cares. I can sense genuine, I-can-live-off-this success is very close, more a matter of me applying myself with greater diligence to the marketing (read: soul-crushing grind of screaming into the digital abyss while setting money on fire) side of things. It would certainly help if I told you how to buy my books. Maybe next post. Until then, allow me to acquaint you with what the folder on my hard drive calls “Quicksilvered.”


Jamie Skye was finally ordinary. It had taken all his life, untold hours in doctors’ surgeries, unremembered weeks in hospitals and sanatoriums, and more than once a visit to a college lecture hall where he was not a student but the subject of the lecture.   At last, at the age of thirty-four, he felt could safely say that he had become wholly unremarkable, and wished only to remain so for the rest of his life.

Which is why when the extraordinary man walked in, Jaime at once lowered his eyes and did not look up again until the man’s mellifluous voice disappeared behind Corporal Brigg’s door.  It being nearly ten in the morning he was of course the only one in the patent office, Pickford out on a call and Tyburn likely still face down under a pile of his own faded excuses.

But that was none of Jaime’s business.  He had steady employment at an undemanding post in a minor division of civil service, and if he spent more time than was perhaps appropriate on his drunken colleague’s cases instead of his own, it was all in the name of public good. Not only that, but if Tyburn were sacked it would likely kill him, as the only time he wasn’t at least half-cut was at work.

Jaime would have smelled it if he was, that sickly taint in the air round a drunk, exuded from their breath, from their very skin.  Morally Jaime was indifferent to alcohol and those who drank it, believing one made one’s own peace with one’s creator, but his un-ordinariness included being too sensitive to strange aromas, so that speaking to Tyburn was an act of courage, a prolonged conversation cause for a strong cup of tea.

Tyburn wasn’t here, and neither was his polar opposite Pickford, whose specialty was machines too large or complicated to be brought to the office, and whose persnickety habit was to be at the hapless patent-seeker’s establishment at first light. Jaime liked the office on such mornings, with no sound but the scratch of his pen nib and the squeak of the wheels on his chair, the sunlight casting little rainbows everywhere through the strips of stained glass atop the southeast facing windows. 

The stranger’s aroma of gunpowder and lilacs lingered in the unstirred air, making Jaime’s nose itch as he pored over an engraving of a ‘Device for Improving the Application of Road Paint.’  The scent matched the man, or what Jaime had seen of him before deciding rightfully to ignore him.  Matched his scarlet coat and the lace at his wrists and his unfashionably long hair and his mellifluous voice which Jaime had heard for scant seconds and so therefore should not be able to hear in his mind as clearly as if the man stood before him.

“Who are you?”

Jaime stayed as he was, his eye pressed to a magnifying loupe held three inches from the intricate diagram. “No one important.”

“Lord Lear, this is Skye,” said Corporal Brigg.

Lord Lear.  Jaime put aside the loupe and sat upright.  The man was even more extraordinary close up, with a sharp face and eyes so darkly brown they were nearly black, though the edges of his irises were rimmed with gold.  

“Stand up, Skye, and account for yourself,” Brigg said through his yellowed teeth.

“Yes, Corporal.”  Wiping his sweating hand on his already damp trouser-leg, he got to his feet. “An honour to meet you, Lord Lear.” 

“And you, Mr Skye.”  His lordship’s hand was cool and smooth, but when Jaime made to pull back he held on, frowning. “What is this?”

“My hand,” Jaime said uncertainly.

“Who are you?” Lear demanded, his grip suddenly crushing.

“No one.  No one at all.”

“He’s really not anyone, your lordship,” Brigg said, glaring at Jaime from under his wooly brows as though any of this was his fault.  

“I don’t mean your sort,” Lear said to Brigg sharply without looking his way. “He’s one of ours.”

“I’m not.  I’m not anyone.”  Jaime was now sweating terribly, and succeeded in pulling his slick hand from Lear’s fearsome grasp.  Lear retreated a step, looking from Jaime to his hand and back.  

“I’ll need him to come with me,” he said to the corporal.

“With all due respect, your lordship,” Brigg said, gesturing at the untended desks, “I can hardly spare the man-power.”

“Your staffing practices are not my concern, Corporal.  This man needs to come with me at once.”

Nothing Jaime or the corporal said moved Lear in the slightest.  Whatever authority he answered to, it clearly outweighed the patent office, and so it was that Jaime found himself in his coat and hat, leaving his office at half-ten in the morning in the company of the extraordinary man he had vowed to completely ignore.

Writing the Wrong Book but on Purpose

I wrote a series of shorts then a novel under a now largely defunct pen name. The trouble is, I have another novel about these characters in me, and it’s a pointless epic.  Pointless because it’s not like there’s a clamor for it from my legions (more likely dozens) of fans.  But the book wants to be written regardless, and is now a labour of both love and mercy.  Because these buggers will haunt me if I don’t give them what they want. 

Simply put, I love these horny idiots.  One of my fixations is writing characters I find likeable.  Perhaps they make wrong choices, but their inherent personalities have to be that of someone I would have as a friend.  

As a consequence, I often feel I can’t abandon them. A character whose story I haven’t finished is like a looped thought.  An earworm which doesn’t merely persist but argues with me about why I haven’t played the whole damn song already.

If I don’t finish this book, I’m cursing myself to that looped thought, giving myself yet another flail of guilt with which to beat myself.  Like so many of us I get hooked on worry, on worrying about the same problems again and again.  Then feeling guilty about my worries…  Anyone who lives on earth and wants things may have some sense of how that feels.


Ambition is a kind of masochism.  You’re generally setting yourself up to fail, even if it’s only a few micro-failures along the general trajectory of success.  Wanting things, possessing desire, is a surefire path to suffering.  But here I go anyway.

We are beings of want. Humans are hard to satisfy.  It’s a neurological condition known as curiosity which both created and feeds off our evolutionary intelligence.  Perhaps it’s a mutation, but there’s always an outlier in every gene pool.  Someone who is going to want to know what’s over that next hill.  These are the people who save us from ourselves. Galileo, Gentileschi, Greta Thunberg: the sort of people who can’t sit still and accept what they’ve been given by the status quo. 

Here I am, scratching away, Lilliputian among giants, but I also cannot sit still.  I want, and I want a lot of odd things, most of which I have had to self-generate.  I want to make a living from writing, but I still want to write this almost certainly unprofitable book.  We owe ourselves more than money.