The best a.k.a. most neurodivergent pasta sauce of all time

I’m entirely sincere. This recipe is both the easiest and the tastiest sauce it’s possible to make in half an hour with three ingredients. Most of the time is waiting. If you set a timer, you can’t screw it up (as long as you respond to timers.) And the only equipment you need is a saucepan, a knife, and a timer.

As far as authenticity, I learned this from someone who was posting their Italian grandmother’s recipes. It’s authentic, and it works.

NONNA’S NON-INVOLVEMENT PASTA SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

1 large can tomato puree (1 lb/450g)

1 stick/ 4 oz butter (reduce by half if you are reducing fat, but it is not optional, butter is necessary for this dish to work)

1/2 a white onion, whole i.e. skinned but not sliced

salt and sugar to taste

METHOD:

Put the first three ingredients in a saucepan with a lid. Do not cook the onion, just stick it in the cold tomato puree. Likewise the butter, just shove the cold butter into the cold tomato puree.

Bring it all to a simmer then cook for 20-40 minute, stirring occasionally.

That’s literally it. Take out the softened onion then add salt and sugar to taste. Add 1 tsp baking soda if you are sensitive to acidic foods. Serve with any pasta, sprinkled with herbs & cheese as you like.

If you want a canned pasta experience (sometimes you want spaghetti hoops on toast and/or Chef Boyardee and I’m not here to judge you) take a couple scoops of sauce and thin with water and use as the cooking water for your pasta, then add more sauce to the cooked pasta until it tastes good. If you need those little gristly bits of meat in there, that’s on you, sort yourself out.

I’m just here for the recipes.

an assortment of baking ingredients and a rolling pin lying on a white cloth with blue stripes.

Because I’m sure as fk not posting anything else these days, am I?

Chocolate Cookies

Adapted from: Soft Chocolate Cookies

I’m a parent and also interested in my own health, so I have reduced the sugar from the original recipe and also swapped in whole wheat flour. I was trying to approximate Bear Paws packaged cookies, but better – no palm oil or packaging and a lot more fiber. The result is a thick cookie with a soft, brownie-like texture. The high butter ratio means they will flatten out if you don’t chill the dough very well before baking.

Makes 12-15 cookies

1/2 cup butter

1/3 cup each white sugar & brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup whole wheat flour (or 3/4 cup plain flour + 1/4 wheat germ)

1/4 cup cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon soda

dash of salt

Sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. Cube the cold butter and beat until softened with an electric mixer. Add the sugars and beat until no lumps of butter remain. Add the egg and vanilla extract and beat well, then add dry ingredients in two batches, combining well.

Chill the dough for at least an hour, then roll into 2.5cm/1″ balls. Chill for another hour or longer before baking (I freeze the balls then bake them straight from the freezer.)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line a baking sheet with parchment or a silicone mat. Leave space between the cookies in case they spread. Bake for 8-10 minutes, or just until edges have set and the tops are no longer pudding-like. Do not overbake–they will firm up as they cool. Leave them on the baking sheet until they are mostly cool. I don’t know how long they keep because they never last more than a few days.

Once more again with feeling!

Ok so I’m back? I dunno, the fact that I never gave up this blog maybe means I was eventually come back to it. I still have “blogger” on my business bio so there: validation.
I deleted a lot of posts. Some of it was whiny, some was incomprehensible. I might take down the poems because I would like to release them as a book. And there is a lot of content I never posted in the first place. Most of that will likely stay hidden. If it wasn’t worth it at the time, do I really expect it’s improved with aging?
I am also playing with my writer website. Right now this feeds there, and I’d like to think I’ll start posting more book news here among my other rumblings. We’ll see how that goes. I was 5 minutes from starting a Substack but oh, how I do not wish to start over again. I don’t have the hustle to turn a Substack into a great paying venture (at least not yet) so I’ll just burble away here for now. This is a year of pruning my orchard, of getting rid of dead wood i.e. poorly performing components of my system. Yeah there’s a system. It’s not great but it’s there.
Maybe this time I’ll stick to it.

This Explains Everything

In celebration of Autism Awareness Month, I’d like to make you aware that I have autism.

Just a little. What we used to call Asperger’s Syndrome but don’t anymore because Asperger was a nasty little fascist and his aim was to determine which autistic people were socially valuable and which were, you know, expendable.

So fuck that. Thanks to a host of diagnostic tools* I am now confident in saying I have autism.

The kind where you can still have relationships and conversations but it comes at a high cost, demanding more of your cognitive capacity than neurotypical people expend on the same activities. The kind you figure out you have when you’re in your forties and are worn out from decades of trying to do what everyone else does, and failing. The kind that seems really trendy now, as if it’s a fun way to cook eggs or tie your shoes that we learned in a TikTok. What’s really happened is that the criteria for autism has been revised, and now represents a broader and more accurate picture of how it presents.

I don’t want to say ‘syndrome’ or ‘disorder’. That sort of language is itself part of the problem. I am not a bad or broken person, not incapable and in need of repair. I am simply differently endowed, and for the most part lacking context in society, which tends to flatten difference in the name of general harmony.

Ant the truth is, the real truth, the reason I’m writing this blog, is not because I feel a deep-seated need to reach out to you, this small group of strangers who will read these words, but because I put the word ‘blogger’ in my fucking author bio, and it’s been so long since I posted that it feels like a lie.

————-

*please do not come at me re self-diagnosis, the available tools are the same as what they use in clinics.

Breath

today is yesterday’s tomorrow 

said the gold foil letters

looping

across her t shirt

but it’s true

everything you longed for

yesterday

every aching want

each breath you took

despite it all

this is the prize

this day

this hour

now

the answer to your prayers

one more breath

then another

(2023)

a Poem and a Warning

I’ve been writing The Fixer as a highly personal blog, and sometimes the personal is horrifying.  Poetry is a good medium for saying what is almost impossible to say.  Sparse, so targeted, able to express what is unsayable in any other way.

Consider this your content warning for a dirty word and a reference to a violent act. Things have been intense in my world lately, with a lot of big wins but also some really messed up stuff. This is some of that messed up. 


Bad News

that unexpected moment

when someone you used to fuck

gets arrested for murder

and you think

how strange to have been

naked and yet to have learned

nothing of one

another

(July 7, 2023)

Saudade

there is a recording

of the last Kaua’i ‘ō ‘ō bird

calling to another bird

who no longer exists

born to crave another

made to want that unity

dying with a song on your tongue

because you are alone

no face to find in a fleeting crowd

no future

I think too of how it must have felt

to record that

to capture the sound of infinite longing

of wanting what cannot ever be

and then to catalog it

as a thing we destroyed

did the cataloger weep

like I do now

as they labeled the recording

understanding how much

we have yet to

lose?

(July 2023)

If you really want to exercise your tearducts, here’s the same story but in Brazilian funk-tinged EDM.  No, seriously.

A sort of prayer

the sun rises from the pink horizon into the clear blue sky behind a lattice of the branches of spiny desert plants

Our Lady who art Chaos

Give us a fucking break

Thy Queendom comes

Whether we want it to or not

Give us no more than we can survive

At least for now

Because I got a lot of shit to do

Deliver my packages on time

And protect me from porch thieves

For this is the life we each have

Use it or lose it

We don’t have forever

Amen (or whatever)

(June 2023)

20 – Territory

a single upright square-edged boulder stands on a cliff edge like a sentinel, against a backdrop of the sparsely treed, pyramidal hills of Africa's Rift Valley

and there is in all of this a wish to disappear

to obliterate our old selves in a

burst of glittering gold

emerge phoenix-like from our own ashes

the pyre of history

the stubbled field of our ancestors

before the coming of the seed

I owe you nothing that you cannot

get for yourself

there is no debt between us

your unasked for gifts

left at the side of the road

leading to un-ceded territory

I owe you nothing in return

for all the nothing you have given me

as we meet empty-handed on the precipice

all of us straining for

a glimpse of

tomorrow

(2023)

This poem is part of a semi-published series called Body of Work, an ongoing dialog with identity and self-knowing.

Balance is bullsh!t

Daily writing prompt
How do you balance work and home life?

It’s funny that this came up as a prompt the other day. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to accomplish my goals both professionally and personally, and as much as we all laud the concept of balance I’m starting to think it’s a joke.

When I think about balancing, I picture someone on a tightrope. Arms extended, eyes locked on the horizon, physically committed to a ludicrous, massively dangerous task for other people’s entertainment.

I did just write a novel about a tightrope walker, so yes it’s a strong echo in my mind but that also means I know what the metaphor means. And I don’t know if it should be a goal.

For one thing, it’s fucking impossible. You can do well, giving yourself more or less equally to all your wants and responsibilities. And maybe that’s a neurotypical thing, to be able to plot your life carefully then follow it through, but that’s not in my wheelhouse, to employ boardroom language. I can’t actualize that paradigm.

I’m losing interest in the idea of balance. It’s really difficult to relax while balancing. Balance is a state of tension, of holding in place. It requires hyperawareness of the body and the ability to ignore everything around you. If you find a place of stillness, you cannot move from it or you will collapse. That sounds–that is–exhausting.

That sounds like capitalism: find one thing and do it till you die, never quitting or questioning, while faithfully replicating your DNA to provide capital with more human resources and supporting the rentier system of the 1% that holds the rest of us hostage by giving them back in the form of household spending and debt all the money they loaned you as wages.

The ideal work/life balance is No Work, All Life. I don’t mean, let’s all be unemployed.* I mean, why is work not life? Why are jobs so shit? Why have we bought into this massive system of pitting our economic needs against our human rights? Who the fuck wants to be an actuary? I would expect a single digit percent of actuaries chose that career because of some deep inner calling. For everyone else it was because they weren’t pretty or clever or rich enough to get to do what they want with their lives, and so they put on a suit and sit in traffic and eat a packed lunch and try not to jump out the office window. If that’s your life why even be alive? So you can give your children the very same future?

TL:DR Modernity is delusional. Baked into the core of our culture is the idea that *this world as it is right now* is the best we can do. That Starbucks and Exxon Mobil are natural and inevitable, that the only improvement possible is making the whole world like America. Delusion, delusion, delusion.

Fuck the work/life balance. It’s a joke, it’s a yoke, it’s a rationalization for letting capital skim the cream of labor’s efforts. For our collective good we need to seek a way of life where our work is worth living for.

An ideal work life balance? The least work possible at a job that won’t cost me my life.


*We can talk about health care and education as necessary jobs as long as you want to discuss why we underpay and understaff both these professions.